the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize