You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
