well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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