respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
