I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
