Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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