my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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