so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
