Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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