Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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