if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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