My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
