We won't sleep together?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
