Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
