the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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