i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
