So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
