Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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