At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There are leaves in my underwear?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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