Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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