Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
