You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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