I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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