What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
