if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
