She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
