Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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