I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
