does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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