This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
