1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
