Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
