How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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