Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
