I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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