There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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