if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it because I queefed?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
