I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
