so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
