I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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