he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
