We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
