I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize