I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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