Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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