he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
