He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
