Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
