Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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