I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
