Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I looked at my own cervix.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.