I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.