My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome