They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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