The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
