Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap