She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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