Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
