never play flip cup with pint glasses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
