3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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