batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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