I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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