chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
