i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
