I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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