He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
