Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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