I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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