At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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