well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
