I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
