What did we do last night that was yellow?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
