Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
