i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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