who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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