he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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