Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
