guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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