Kiss
Puke
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
