Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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